In memory of my Grand father...

Out of the blue, I remembered my ( paternal) grandfather and decided to do a post on him.

My Thatha was a very respectable human being whom everybody looked up to. There is a tamizh word called -- Tejas-- that personifies him perfectly. Let me try to translate this word as best as I can-Respectable, decent, chivalrous, with a very commanding and lovable personality.I am sure I haven't done justice to the word. Any ways, I am digressing.

I am my thatha's first grandchild. My sister, his next grand child, was born after 5 years and we had him to ourselves till his death ( when I was 13 and sis was 8). Our next cousin was only an infant when he died.So, in short I ( and later my sis) used to bask in all his attention.

My earliest memory of thatha is from when I was probably 7 or 8 years old. My parents were arguing about something at lunch. Thatha was visiting. I had some homework in school and there was a word in my homework that I did not know the meaning for.I went to the dining table and asked my parents.Since they were still arguing, I think one of them just admonished me and asked me to be quiet for sometime and come back later.Being the sensitive kid that I was, tears started rolling on my cheeks.Thatha was furious. He stood up, without even finishing his meal, and stormed off to his room. He came out and dragged me to the front door. My parents had no time to react. By this time, my parents had already calmed down and were trying to pacify me and stop me from crying. Thatha would have none of it.He was so angry with them for shouting at me, especially since I was asking them for help with my home work. He took me to a book store and bought me my first dictionary-- an orange colored Children's Oxford dictionary.
I still treasure that dictionary.

He was an avid reader- he had complete collections of the Readers Digest magazines spanning over 40 years.He also gifted me with a subscription to Target and Teens today magazines when I was 11.I got a "Target" diary from him every year since I was 8 till I was 13.

He also introduced me to R.K. Narayanan and other books.

He was proud of every achievement of mine. There was a "Prefect" system in our school. Every year , 10 people from the 8th grade would be selected to be prefects.It was such a big deal.Kids felt all powerful.These prefects got to monitor other kids in assemblies, school functions etc. I was very hopeful that I would make it.Thatha had promised that he would come to my school on the investiture ceremony( the swearing in),if I made it.Ironically, though I was selected, thatha wasn't able to make it- because he had already been hospitalized for 3 days.He suffered a massive heart attack and died the same night.

My sister was like his little follower. We both just adored thatha.In fact, after he died ( my sis was barely 8), during the religious ceremonies the priest needed to know the names of my thatha's parents,grandparents and their parents. The only person who knew every single name was my sister. Thatha had narrated his ancestors' stories to us multiple times.

The last movie we saw with thatha was this Tamizh movie called Thevar magan.It must have been probably 4-5 months before thatha passed away. In the movie the grand father,played by Shivaji , dies as his grand daughters sing to him. I felt a very strange feeling of sadness when I saw it. A sort of a premonition.I still hate to see that movie.

Every now and then, he comes in my dreams and talks to me . Every time something good happens to me ( interviews,exams, my engagement), thatha visits me in my dream.These dreams are so real and I remember every detail of our conversation after I wake up. I still miss thatha a lot.I wish he was here today, to see me all grown up and on my own. I wish he could have seen my HD. I am sure he would have loved him. Thatha would have been very proud of sis and me.

I cant believe its been 13 years since thatha passed away. When I started writing this entry yesterday ,I wasn't sure why I was missing thatha very much suddenly. I knew his death anniversary was close (June 8th)-- but it is not yet here.

Then I spoke to my mom-- it was thatha's devasam(Shradha) yesterday.

I am not sure if I believe in life after death --- but I do definitely believe that my thatha is watching me from somewhere....